One Sweet World

everything is falling apart...my life stinks right now...i feel that i have no control over anything that's happening right now...i just want to be done with it all....

I'm beginning to think that that line: "there's somebody out there for everyone" is a load of bull. Why? Because I honestly don't think that there is a guy out there for me. Why? Because every time that something is going good in a relationship I mess it up. It's because I know that it's going to mess up sooner or later...so why not make it sooner rather than prolong the agony...right? I think that I'm just going to give up on trying to meet guys. I don't care anymore. Tonight was proof...

So...tonight i was feeling bored...so what did i do? why...I googled Steev Richter! and wouldn't you know...i came up with 278 matches?!?!? so i came upon this site that claims to be the "official" steev richter site...which i was doubting...but then i go to the photos...and i see the cutest thing in the world....it was labeled..."The Best Gig Ever"...and do you know what it was???!!? it was pics of him sitting at the piano with his neices and nephews climbing all over him and such...it was soooo adorable...it made me go..."awwww!"....oh yes...and then it made me sad because it made me think of bsg and that made me remember that it is no longer open...im going to kill chris burns!

Mmmmmmm...chocolate pudding and Dashboard Confessional...please tell me...could this night get any better?! Amanda's coming over on Monday and we're writing songs...it should be very productive...seeing as I can write songs on the guitar and she's an awesome lyricist! But...yea...I like how no one comments anymore...this makes me upset! Even Andy doesn't comment anymore...and i could always at least count on him...oh well...if you people don't start commenting...im going to shut down my site...just like i did my xanga...so comment!

Pure? What does it mean?
The tongues of hell
Are dull, dull as the triple

Tongues of dull, fat Cerberus
Who wheezes at the gate. Incapable
Of licking clean

The aguey tendon, the sin, the sin.
The tinder cries.
The indelible smell

Of a snuffed candle!
Love, love, the low smokes roll
From me like Isadora’s scarves, I’m in a fright

One scarf will catch and anchor in the wheel.
Such yellow sullen smokes
Make their own element. They will not rise,

But trundle round the globe
Choking the aged and the meek,
The weak

Hothouse baby in its crib,
The ghastly orchid
Hanging its hanging garden in the air,

Devilish leopard!
Radiation turned it white
And killed it in an hour.
Greasing the bodies of adulterers
Like Hiroshima ash and eating in.
The sin. The sin.

Darling, all night
I have been flickering, off, on, off, on.
The sheets grow heavy as a lecher’s kiss.

Three days. Three nights.
Lemon water, chicken
Water, water make me retch.

I am too pure for you or anyone.
Your body
Hurts me as the world hurts God. I am a lantern—

My head a moon
Of Japanese paper, my gold beaten skin
Infinitely delicate and infinitely expensive.

Does not my heat astound you. And my light.
All by myself I am a huge camellia
Glowing and coming and going, flush on flush.

I think I am going up,
I think I may rise—
The beads of hot metal fly, and I, love, I

Am a pure acetylene
Virgin
Attended by roses,

By kisses, by cherubim,
By whatever these pink things mean.
Not you, nor him

Nor him, nor him
(My selves dissolving, old whore petticoats)—
To Paradise.

So, my blogspot is definitely becoming my xanga! hehehehe...yes...im obsessed! I had an awesome day today. A cutie came into work...he reminded me of Jared and Jason which equals a pothead...oh well! I read like 10 chapters in White Oleander which is the best book in the world! Went to church. It's amazing that a boy that you haven't talked to in quite some time can still make your knees weak, can still make it impossible for you to walk up to communion without almost falling to the floor. Hung out with Katie. That's always an adventure. It started out with us upset...but then got much much better. And now I am exTREMEly happy right. No, seriously, you should see me! I have this stupid grin on my face, smack it off...smack it off! But, ummm, yea! I'm way uber excited about Warped Tour...it's in 4 days!!!! woot woot!!!! This summer is getting oh so much better! I just hope that there isn't some big KABOOM! where it all crashes down on me....

So today was an awesomely cool day! Picked up Eliz from summer gym and went to Wendy's...saw my miss Caelin...oh how excited she was! Then Eliz and I went to the mall and did "laps"...hehehehe...drove around and listened to The Frames..."they're Irish" "they don't sound Irish, there's no bagpipes or fiddles and whatnot!" "they're Irish...Erin told me they were!" "oh wait...he's talking..okay...they're Irish" "hah! i told you they were!" Fun times! Pulling over to the side of the road to put the top down...making messy hair creations with my bangs! Came back to my house...copied cds...played my guitar...went to work! Hahha...that was funny...because i didn't have to work tonight! I showed up at work...and then Kait did...and she was like...you work next friday! oops!!!! hehhe! Called up my Katie Kathleen and we hung out...i can't put into words how fun our evening was! I forgot how much fun I had with her and why I never hung out with my old friends...we never did this! Driving around...screaming "If I Had $1,000,000" at the tops of our lungs..."they have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon" "well, can you blame them?" "uh, yea!" ... "we wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinners...but we would eat Kraft dinners" "of course we would! we'd just eat more!" "and buy all the fanciest ketchups" "that's right! all the fanciest dijon ketchups..mmmmm!" hehehe! Jamming to "Right Now" by SR71 and seeing the cutie...trying to catch up with the cutie...but turned around too slowly! harumph! Oh jeezie peezies...there are just way too many things to write! Calling Jam-el! hehehe...im pretty sure that he did pee his pants! too bad he never answered! Oo oo oo...indeed...you must call my cell and listen to my new voice mail..katie and i made them together...it rocks!

This is my official summer song...mmm...how i love it so! So, last night was sooo much fun! I went to the Indian's game with my family. My uncle has these aMAzing season tickets...3rd and 4th row right behind the opponent's dugout! Ahhhh!!!! It was hilarious...because it was raining...but i told my parents that we were going anyway...because i heart baseball (watching...playing it is another story!). So, we had to wear ponchos! heheheh...my mommy got stuck with the yellow one....so we called her Big Bird the whole night...she wasn't too happy about that one! Courtney got a free hot dog from a guy that was sitting next to my dad behind us...and she was all concentrated on her hot dog...you know...opening and such...when all of a sudden there's this HUGE close-up of my sister on the screen...it was hilarious! We went to Friendly's afterward...which is like our tradition...go to Cleveland = you go to Friendly's on the way home! lol! I talked to my mommy about Warped Tour and maybe (ahem) riding up with katie? (I totally did this in the sweetest, most innocent voice that i could...and totally nonchalant(sp?) too!) And she said yes!!!!! I am sooo uber excited now!!!! I am going to go get my check cashed (so I can pay Jimmy that $33 for the concert) and then pick up my Elizabeth from summer gym and go visit my miss Caelin at Wendy's!!!! How I love summer and being able to drive!